It’s been nine years, almost ten, since my last post on this page.
Nine. Years. In the blink of an eye, it would seem.
US Presidents have come and gone, and the economy has gone to hell.
My own spirituality has waxed, waned, wriggled, wrested, occasionally grown, and is constantly evolving. I guess, thinking about it now in this moment, it is doing what every living thing does. So that must means it’s at least alive… as some seamless, edgeless, open existence…for now.
As for my heart, it has experienced so much over these nine years, and even if I wanted to attempt to put into words some of this, there’s no way I could formulate a cohesive anything from the millions of thoughts, feelings, wounds, scars, moments of guttural cries, triumphs, miracles, moments of growth, new experiences, etc… that have transpired. It all remains contained within, and I guess for now abides there. (As the Big Lebowski would say, “The Dude abides.”)
I don’t know what on earth brought this blog to my mind today, after all this time. Nor do I know why I am creating a new post. Perhaps it’s just my intuition, and I’m choosing to roll with it. I will say however, that as I read through some of my older posts on this blog, I was inspired by my past self, and the passion that I used to have for life and history, including the history of my own existence. And passion for writing! Wow. That girl could write her heart out! She conveyed her emotions and passion onto the page so well! These days I can hardly formulate my emotions into words at all, and most often I just don’t even try. My heart abides.
Age has acquainted me with silence and solitude. Silence seems reverence for the moment. Not enough people have realized this, or chosen to honor it. The static, obnoxious noise of the world is deafening. I have found peace and solace in solitude and silence, with my books and the surrounding, healing Nature wrapping me up like a comforting, safe blanket. My trust and faith in humanity has been colored red by people I have experienced in my life. And I return again and again to silence and solitude. It is there I find peace. It is there I am completely free to dream, imagine, remember, lick my wounds, tremble, rest and heal…free from all outside influence, opinion or noise. My heart is full to the brim of all manner of things, and yet…
My heart abides.
